Unsourced

Quotations for which I could not find the author.

1. I need someone really bad.
   Are you really bad?

   141.

2. I started seeing a therapist.
   She didn't know I was seeing her.
   That was kinda fun.

   142.

3. I still miss my ex-wife.
   But my aim is improving.

   143.

4. I used to be schizophrenic.
   But we're all right now.

   144.

5. I want patience.
   And I want it now!

   145.

6. I was wondering why the Frisbee was getting bigger.
   Then, it hit me.

   146.

7. I worry that the person who thought up Rap, may be thinking up something else.

   147.

8. I'd buy you a drink, but I'd be jealous of the straw.

   148.

9. I'd like to have more self-esteem.
   But I don't think I deserve it.

   149.

10. If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?

    150.

11. If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to?

    151.

12. If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

    152.

13. If in doubt, make it sound convincing.

    153.

14. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

    154.

15. If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.

    155.

16. If you can't laugh at yourself, I'll be glad to do so for you.

    156.

17. If you love something, set it free.
    If it doesn't come back, hunt it down.

    157.

18. If you're feeling good, don't worry.
    You'll get over it.

    158.

19. Illiterate?
    Write for help, today!

    159.

20. I'm so miserable without you.
    It's almost like you're still here.

    160.