283 quotations — 264 Funny, 15 Serious, 4 Trivia.
Here's page 2 of 15.
All other things being equal, fat people use more soap.21.
Always borrow money from pessimists.22.
They don't expect to get it back.
Always use tasteful words.23.
Later, you might have to eat them.
Am I ambivalent?24.
Well, yes and no.
Amateur programmers think there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte.25.
Real programmers know there are 1024 meters in a kilometer.
America will never be invaded.26.
Our juvenile delinquents are too well armed.
An election year is one in which a lot of politicians get free speech mixed up with cheap talk.27.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.28.
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.29.
And, on the seventh day, God said “It's Miller time!”.30.
And on the eight day God said “Ok, Murphy; you're in charge.”.31.
Any car will last a lifetime.32.
If you're careless enough.
Any excuse to wear a sword is a good excuse.33.
Any man who laughs at women's clothes has never paid the bill for them.34.
Anybody can quit smoking.35.
But it takes a real man to take on lung cancer.
Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.36.
Anyone needing documentation to the kernel functions probably shouldn't be using them.37.
Anyone who uses the phrase “as easy as taking candy from a baby” has never tried taking candy from a baby.38.
Are golf balls as painful as athlete's foot?39.
Are you always this stupid, or is today a special occasion?40.