Unsourced

Quotations for which I could not find the author.

1. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

   121.

2. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
   We don't know. It's never happened.

   122.

3. How many misogynists does it take to change a kitchen light bulb?
   None; the stupid bitch can cook in the dark.

   123.

4. Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

   124.

5. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, just until they drive me out of my mind.
   Then, I try to stab them.

   125.

6. I always wanted to be a procrastinator.
   But I never got around to it.

   126.

7. I am trying to get into shape.
   The shape I've selected is a triangle.

   127.

8. I asked Mom if I was a gifted child.
   She said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me.

   128.

9. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile.
   I tried it too. Unfortunately, they wanted cash.

   129.

10. I bet you I could stop gambling.

    130.

11. I bought a new boomerang.
    But I can't seem to throw the old one away.

    131.

12. I came to MIT to get an education for myself, and a diploma for my mother.

    132.

13. I considered atheism.
    But there weren't enough holidays.

    133.

14. I didn't say it was your fault.
    I said I was blaming you.

    134.

15. I distinctly remember forgetting that.

    135.

16. I don't blame Congress.
    If I had a trillion dollars at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible too.

    136.

17. I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!

    137.

18. I don't suffer from insanity.
    I enjoy every minute of it.

    138.

19. I know that you're nobody's fool.
    But maybe someone will adopt you.

    139.

20. I like cats, too.
    Let's exchange recipes.

    140.