283 quotations — 264 Funny, 15 Serious, 4 Trivia.
Here's page 3 of 15.
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one.41.
Michael J. Fox has a short one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope doesn't use his any more.
...
It's a last name.
As I've said before, I never repeat myself.42.
As X approaches infinity, X gets pretty damn big.43.
At 20, we don't care what the world thinks.44.
At 30, we start to worry about what it thinks of us.
At 40, we realize that it isn't thinking at all.
At our university, you're not just a number.45.
You're 3 numbers, and a dash, then 2 more numbers, and another dash, and then four more numbers.
Be nice to your kids.46.
They'll choose your nursing home.
Beauty isn't everything.47.
Money is.
Bird feeders also double as cat feeders.48.
Birds of a feather flock to a newly washed car.49.
Books on claustrophobia?50.
They're in that little room over there, sir.
Broken gets fixed; shoddy lasts forever.51.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.52.
Bumper sticker:53.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
By being here, you are depriving some poor village of its idiot.54.
Can a man with no fingers point you in the right direction?55.
Capitalism: Man exploiting man.56.
Socialism: The reverse.
Chivalry: A man's inclination to save a woman from everyone but himself.57.
Clairvoyants, meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.58.
Command: A suggestion made to a computer.59.
Computer: A device designed to automate and speed up errors.60.