Last Words

Interesting and noteworthy “Last Words”.

20 quotations — 8 Funny, 11 Serious, 1 Trivia.

  1. [Last words:]
    Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub.
    [When asked if he had any last words of wisdom.]
    Conrad Hilton 1.
  2. [Last words of the series.]
    Rachel: Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?
    Monica: We've got some time.
    Rachel: Okay. Should we get some coffee?
    Chandler: Sure... Where?
    Unsourced 2.
  3. [Last words:]
    Die, my dear?
    Why, that's the last thing I'll do.
    Groucho Marx 3.
  4. [Suggested epitaph:]
    Excuse me, I can't stand up.
    Groucho Marx 4.
  5. [Last words:]
    I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
    Humphrey Bogart 5.
  6. [Last words:]
    How were the receipts today, at Madison Square Garden?
    P. T. Barnum 6.
  7. [Epitaph:]
    I told you I was ill!
    Spike Milligan 7.
  8. [Last words:]
    Now, now, my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
    [When asked by a priest to renounce Satan.]
    Volaire 8.

  9. [Last words:]
    I've had a hell of a lot of fun and I've enjoyed every minute of it.
    Errol Flynn 9.
  10. [Last words:]
    Only you have ever understood me.
    And you got it wrong.
    [To his favorite student.]
    Georg Friedrich Wilhelm Hegel 10.
  11. [Last words:]
    This is a hell of a way to die.
    [After being admitted to the hospital after a car accident while out hunting.]
    George S. Patton 11.
  12. [Epitaph:]
    I told you so, you damned fools.
    H. G. Wells 12.
  13. [Suggested epitaph:]
    For a brief time, I was here.
    And, for a brief time, I mattered.
    Harlan Ellison 13.
  14. [Last words:]
    I should say not, dear fellow.
    No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him.
    John Barrymore 14.
  15. [Last words:]
    It's better to burn out than to fade away.
    Kurt Cobain 15.
  16. [Last words:]
    I'd hate to die twice.
    It's so boring.
    Richard Feynman 16.
  17. [Last words:]
    You can be a king or a street sweeper, but everyone dances with the Grim Reaper.
    Robert Alton Harris 17.
  18. [Last words:]
    Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it!
    Except you, Carlotta.
    [“Carlotta” was Fields's mistress.]
    W. C. Fields 18.
  19. [Epitaph:]
    I am ready to meet my Maker.
    Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
    Winston Churchill 19.

  20. [Last words:]
    Gentlemen, I bid you farewell.
    [To his fellow band mates, before the Titanic sank.]
    Wallace Hartley 20.