W. C. Fields

A comedian, actor, juggler and writer.

1. Ah, the pitter-patter of little feet around the house.
   There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

   1.

2. I am free of all prejudices.
   I hate everyone equally.

   2.

3. I cook with wine.
   Sometimes I even add it to the food.

   3.

4. I like children.
   But only if they're properly cooked.

   4.

5. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

   5.

6. Never try to impress a woman.
   Iif you do, she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

   6.

7. Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.

   7.

8. ---

9. It ain't what they call you; it's what you answer to.

   8.

10. [Last words:]
    Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it!
    Except you, Carlotta.
    [“Carlotta” was Fields's mistress.]

    9.