Winston Churchill

A politician and statesman; known chiefly for his leadership of the United Kingdom during World War II.

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21 quotations — 10 Funny, 11 Serious.

  1. Capitalism is the unequal distribution of wealth.
    Socialism is the equal distribution of poverty.
    1.
  2. Elizabeth Braddock: Mr. Churchill, you are drunk.
    Churchill: And you madam, are ugly. As for my condition, it will pass by the morning. You, however, will still be ugly.
    2.
  3. He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire.
    [On Sir Stafford Cripps.]
    3.
  4. I am easily satisfied with the very best.
    4.
  5. If this is a blessing, it is certainly very well disguised.
    5.
  6. If you are going through hell, keep going.
    6.
  7. I'm just preparing my impromptu remarks.
    7.
  8. Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if you were my husband, I'd poison your tea.
    Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I'd drink it.
    8.
  9. Yes. Now, bugger off.
    [To his grandson, after he asked if Churchill was the greatest man alive.]
    9.
  10. Young man [after seeing Churchill leave the bathroom without washing his hands]: At Eton, they taught us to wash our hands after using the toilet.
    Churchill: At Harrow, they taught us not to piss on our hands.
    10.
  12. [Epitaph:]
    I am ready to meet my Maker.
    Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
    11.
  13. History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it.
    12.
  14. However beautiful the strategy, you should occasionally look at the results.
    13.
  15. I only believe in statistics that I doctored myself.
    14.
  16. Men occasionally stumble over the truth.
    But most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.
    15.
  17. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
    16.
  18. The United States invariably does the right thing.
    After it has exhausted every other alternative.
    17.
  19. There is no such thing as public opinion.
    There is only published opinion.
    18.
  20. Too often, the strong, silent man is silent only because he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong only because he has remained silent.
    19.
  21. When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
    20.
  22. You have enemies? Good.
    That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.
    21.