The Bro Code

A selection of articles from the code of conduct that all bros must follow; written by Matt Kuhn.

If you'd like, you can read more about The Bro Code.

17 quotations — all marked as Funny.

  1. A bro automatically upgrades another bro's job description, when introducing him to a chick.
    1.
  2. A bro doesn't grow a mustache.
    [Exception: Tom Selleck.]
    2.
  3. A bro doesn't let another bro get a tattoo — particularly a tattoo of a girl's name.
    3.
  4. A bro may ask another bro to help him move — but only after first disclosing an honest estimate on both time commitment and number of large furniture pieces.
    4.
  5. A bro never admits he can't drive stick.
    5.
  6. A bro never applies sun-screen on another bro.
    6.
  7. A bro never dances with his hands above his head.
    7.
  8. A bro never wears socks with sandals.
    8.
  9. A bro shall stop whatever he's doing, and watch “Die Hard”, if he sees it's on TV.
    9.
  10. A bro will drive another bro to the airport, or pick him up — but never both for the same trip.
    He is not expected to be on time, help with luggage, or inquire about his bro's trip or general well being.
    10.
  11. [Amendment:]
    A bro may toss “The Bro Code” out the window, if Scandinavian twins are involved, in any capacity.
    11.
  12. Bros before hoes.
    12.
  13. Bros do not share desert.
    13.
  14. If a bro gets a dog, it must be at least as tall as his knee, when full grown.
    14.
  15. In the event that two bros “lock on” to the same target, the bro who calls dibbs first, has dibbs.
    If both call dibbs at the same time, the bro who counts aloud to ten fastest, has dibbs.
    If both arrive at the number ten at the same time, the bro who bought the last round of drinks has dibbs.
    If they haven't purchased drinks yet, the taller of the two bros has dibbs.
    If they're the same height, the bro with the longer “dry spell” has dibbs.
    Should the dry spell be of equal length, a game of discreet rock-paper-scissors shall determine right of way — provided the chick is still there.
    15.
  16. [The Lemon Law]
    A bro reserves the right to simply walk away during the first five minutes of a date.
    16.
  17. When asked “Do you need some help?”, a bro shall automatically respond “I got it.” — whether he's actually got it or not.
    17.