Mark Twain

A writer and humorist; author of the “Adventures of Huckleberry Finn”.

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25 quotations — 16 Funny, 9 Serious.

  1. A banker is a person who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, and wants it back the minute it rains.
    1.
  2. Actions speak louder than words.
    But not nearly as often.
    2.
  3. By trying, we can easily endure adversity.
    Another man's, I mean.
    3.
  4. Clothes make the man.
    Naked people have little or no influence on society.
    4.
  5. France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals.
    Apart from these drawbacks, it is a fine country.
    5.
  6. Get your facts first.
    Then, you can distort them as you please.
    6.
  7. Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world.
    I know because I've done it thousands of times.
    7.
  8. I didn't attend the funeral.
    But I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
    8.
  9. I don't like to commit myself about Heaven and Hell.
    You see, I have friends in both places.
    9.
  10. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
    10.
  11. Suppose you were an idiot.
    And suppose you were a member of congress.
    But I repeat myself.
    11.
  12. The classics are those authors that everybody wants to have read, and nobody wants to read.
    12.
  13. The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
    13.
  14. Truth is the most valuable thing we have.
    Let us economize it.
    14.
  15. When angry, count to four.
    When very angry, swear.
    15.
  16. When red-haired people are above a certain social grade, their hair is auburn.
    16.
  18. Always do right.
    This will gratify some people, and astonish the rest.
    17.
  19. If you want me to give you a two-hour presentation, I am ready today.
    If you want only a five-minute speech, it will take me two weeks to prepare.
    18.
  20. It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.
    19.
  21. Substitute ‘damn’, every time you're inclined to write ‘very’.
    Your editor will delete it, and the writing will be just as it should be.
    [Advice for writers.]
    20.
  22. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.
    21.
  23. To refuse awards is another way of accepting them — with more noise than is normal.
    22.
  24. To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
    23.
  25. When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it's a sure sign you're getting old.
    24.
  26. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.
    25.