Richard Fish — the fictional character from the TV Show “Ally McBeal” — had a very special talent: coming up with pint-sized nuggets of wisdom that he called Fishisms. Here, you'll find some of his greatest hits.

If you'd like, you can read more about Fishisms.

10 quotations — all marked as Funny.

  1. A contract is a contract.
    Except when it's not.
  2. Go right to anthropology.
    Nature: man is conditioned to spread his seed.
    By sleeping around, we do God's work.
  3. Helping people is never more rewarding than when it's in your self-interest.
  4. I plan to have character one day — great character.
    But, if you want to be rich, you better get the money before the scruples set in.
  5. If you probe both yourself and the situation ... there's a reason I made that argument: I was paid to.
  6. Lasting happiness only comes with money.
  7. Listen up: new firm-policy!
    Anybody who sues this firm (or me, personally) ... we all drop whatever cases we're working on.
    We devote all of our intellectual and creative efforts to ruining that person's life. Are we clear?
    I don't want to stop short with just getting even.
    Retribution is not enough.
    Ruin: that is the goal.
    Irreversible, irreparable, irrational ruin!
  8. Make enough money, and everything else will follow.
  9. Men and women? Friction.
    That's it: friction, friction, orgasm.
  10. Reunions allow the more successful graduates to inform the less successful they're less than.
    You and I? We're more than.
    Especially me.
    I've got my own firm. I could possibly be the most.
    [To John Cage.]