Emo Philips

An entertainer and comedian.

If you'd like, you can read more about Emo Philips.

8 quotations — all marked as Funny.

  1. At my lemonade stand, I used to give the first glass away free, and charge five dollars for the second glass.
    The refill contained the antidote.
  2. How many people here have telekinetic powers?
    Raise my hand.
  3. I go from stool to stool, in singles bars, hoping to get lucky.
    But there's never any gum under any of them.
  4. I got some new underwear the other day.
    Well, new to me.
  5. I ran three miles today...
    Finally, I said “Lady, keep your purse.”.
  6. I'll always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: “A truck!”.
  7. In our school, you were searched for guns and knifes, on the way in.
    And if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
  8. When I was ten, my family moved to Downer's Grove, Illinois.
    When I was twelve, I found them.