Ashleigh Brilliant

A writer and cartoonist.

If you'd like, you can read more about Ashleigh Brilliant.

26 quotations — 22 Funny, 4 Serious.

  1. All I want is a little more than I will ever get.
    1.
  2. All I want is a warm bed, and a kind word, and unlimited power.
    2.
  3. By accepting you as you are, I do not necessarily abandon all hope of you improving.
    3.
  4. Everything takes longer than you expect.
    Even when you expect it to take longer than you expect.
    4.
  5. I am irrevocably committed to being permanently indecisive.
    5.
  6. I can only do one thing at a time.
    But I can avoid doing many things, simultaneously.
    6.
  7. I feel much better, now that I've given up hope.
    7.
  8. I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent.
    8.
  9. If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
    9.
  10. If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.
    10.
  11. I'm not yet desperate enough to do anything about the conditions that are making me desperate.
    11.
  12. Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
    12.
  13. It's not easy taking my problems one at a time, when they refuse to get in line.
    13.
  14. Life may have no meaning.
    Or, even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
    14.
  15. My biggest problem is what to do about all the things I can't do anything about.
    15.
  16. My life shows a clear pattern of total unpredictability.
    16.
  17. My opinions may have changed.
    But not the fact that I am right.
    17.
  18. Please don't lie to me.
    Unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.
    18.
  19. Please don't tell me there's no need to worry.
    It's the only thing I'm any good at.
    19.
  20. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit “the target”.
    20.
  21. To the Tax Office:
    All is over between us.
    Please don't attempt to communicate with me again.
    21.
  22. Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
    22.
  24. History may never have all the facts.
    But it always has the last word.
    23.
  25. If only our great thinkers could learn to talk, and our great talkers could learn to think.
    24.
  26. Unfortunately, it's possible to be able to do something extremely well, that nobody ever wants done.
    25.
  27. Your reasoning is excellent.
    It's only your basic assumptions that are wrong.
    26.