Ambrose Bierce

An editorialist, journalist, short story writer, fabulist, and satirist.

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11 quotations — 10 Funny, 1 Serious.

  1. A sweater is usually put on a child when the parent feels chilly.
    1.
  2. Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
    2.
  3. Acquaintance: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
    3.
  4. Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
    4.
  5. Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they can't separately plunder a third.
    5.
  6. Brain: An apparatus with which we think that we think.
    6.
  7. Death is not the end.
    There remains the litigation over the estate.
    7.
  8. Egotism: Doing the New York Times crossword puzzle with a pen.
    8.
  9. The future is that period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.
    9.
  10. To apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offense.
    10.
  12. Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
    11.