Robert Orben

A magician and comedy writer.

1. Don't think of it as failure.
   Think of it as time-released success.

   1.

2. Every morning, I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America.
   If I'm not there, I go to work.

   2.

3. I take my children everywhere.
   But they always find their way back home.

   3.

4. Most people would like to be delivered from temptation, but would like it to keep in touch.

   4.

5. Never raise your hand to your children.
   It leaves your midsection unprotected.

   5.

6. Wall Street is where prophets tell us what will happen, and profits tell us what did happen.

   6.

7. ---

8. A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success.

   7.

9. A vacation is having nothing to do, and all day to do it in.

   8.

10. There's so much pollution in the air now that, if it weren't for our lungs, there'd be no place to put it all.

    9.