For Programmers

Quotations about Computers, Programming, Programmers, and Engineering.

68 quotations — 47 Funny, 20 Serious, 1 Trivia.

Here's page 2 of 4.

  1. If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
    Scott Adams 21.
  2. The good news about computers is that they do what you tell them to do.
    The bad news is that they do what you tell them to do.
    Ted Nelson 22.
  3. Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
    Terry Pratchett 23.
  4. Amateur programmers think there are 1000 bytes in a kilobyte.
    Real programmers know there are 1024 meters in a kilometer.
    Unsourced 24.
  5. Anyone needing documentation to the kernel functions probably shouldn't be using them.
    Unsourced 25.
  6. Broken gets fixed; shoddy lasts forever.
    Unsourced 26.
  7. Command: A suggestion made to a computer.
    Unsourced 27.
  8. Computer: A device designed to automate and speed up errors.
    Unsourced 28.
  9. Computers do what you tell them to do, not what you want them to do.
    Unsourced 29.
  10. Error: No keyboard.
    Press F1 to continue.
    Unsourced 30.
  11. Give someone a program, and you'll frustrate them for a day.
    Teach someone to program, and you'll frustrate them for a lifetime.
    Unsourced 31.
  12. Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once.
    Unsourced 32.
  13. My software never has bugs.
    It just develops random features.
    Unsourced 33.
  14. Programmer to Boss/Client/Manager:
    You can have the project: (1) Done On Time, (2) Done On Budget, and (3) Done Properly.
    Pick two.
    Unsourced 34.
  15. Real programmers don't document.
    If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand — and even harder to modify.
    Unsourced 35.
  16. Smith & Wesson: The original “Point-and-Click” interface.
    Unsourced 36.
  17. Smith & Wesson: The ultimate “Point-and-Click” interface.
    Unsourced 37.
  18. Software isn't released.
    It escapes.
    Unsourced 38.
  19. The Dark Ages were caused by the Y1K problem.
    Unsourced 39.
  20. Theory is when you know something, but it doesn't work.
    Practice is when something works, but you don't know why.
    Programmers combine theory and practice: nothing works and they don't know why.
    Unsourced 40.

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